You're All Idiots Who Deserve to be Mocked, Part 4

I am furious. I typed this out originally to be Blog 7, but then I hit a button or something and I thought it all got deleted. Only to find out just now that it had been saved the whole time. Well, better late than never, here is yet another rant about how stupid people on the internet are:

Yep, it's about that time. It has been a bad week in the way of Facebook statuses. Status? Statusi? Anyway, there has been a significant increase in the amount of stupidity on Facebook, a portion of which I will attempt to document here, in all their teeth-grinding, fist-clenching, humanity-questioning glory.

Before we get started, I would just like to say that everything in this post is more or less a lead up to one particular post I saw on Facebook. Now as usual, I'm not putting names with any of the posts, but this person has already been so widely lambasted for a different, though related post he put on Facebook, that many of you probably know who he is. Bearing this in mind, I'll try to be as delicate as possible with this kids identity. Not with anything else though, since as you'll see he clearly deserves any criticism he gets.

At any rate, without further ado:

"swag awnnnnn"
Shut up. Really, just shut up. There is no "swag" in Avon Lake. There is not one person in the universe who can give you a definitive definition of "swag," but I think we can universally agree that none of it exists here. At least you spelled "on" with the phonetic equivilent of a southern drawl, so everyone can take a little solice in the fact that you're not a moron. No, wait...

"I hungry, someone bring me food at worky :)"
This one actually struck a chord in me, because I was impressed that a 4 year old was skilled and dedicated enough to land a job. Seriously though, well done on the baby talk, it really compliments all the pictures of you drinking and smoking cigarettes well. Again, how can people like this not see how stupid they look?

"tbh." Or any variation thereof.
Because everyone knows, it's not really honest unless all of your Facebook friends can see it. Who, by the way, are your only real friends, because what does a friendship even amount to if it's not validated with online interaction? Nothing, that's what.

You know what? I lied to you. I'm not going to talk about that other kid because I want to go to sleep. Suffice it to say he's a pseudointellectual who tries WAY too hard to be informed and "out there." He also has a tendency to invent controvesy where none exists, which is one of the sigularly most annoying traits in a person.

Maybe next time.